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Relationship Red Flags

Writer's picture: Deniss PleinerDeniss Pleiner

Updated: Feb 14, 2022

by Deniss Pleiner, M.A.

 

TW: The following and attached video contains psychoeducation about abuse and Intimate Partner Violence.


Unfortunately, a lot of what we have normalized in relationships are actually toxic. We see it as caring or romantic but they are actually things like manipulation, controlling, or gaslighting. But we don't usually speak up because we are afraid of being seen as dramatic, sensitive, or needy.


So this week, I decided to make a list of seemingly normal behaviors that are actually RED FLAGS for relationships. And now you will know for sure, that these behaviors are not *romantic* but instead are damaging to our sense of self and self esteem.


Red Flags:

  • Manipulation: I know point blank it sounds obvious but what does that actually look like?

- Guilting and using passive aggressive communication or aggressive communication

- Side comments

  • Gaslighting: also sounds like something we would not want but it’s hard to know when it’s happening.

- Often feeling like your concerns end up being your own fault at the

end of the conversations.

- Not knowing if your feelings are real or valid at the end of the

conversations.

  • Controlling: Controlling behaviors often mask themselves as “caring” but quickly evolve to them not just wanting to know where you are but having a say in where you go and who you are with.

- They want to know where you are and who you are with all the time

- They may also want to to control how you dress and who you talk to

  • Hurtful (emotionally or physically): intentionally or unintentionally hurtful comments or behaviors are not uncommon in relationships but if they do become frequent they can start to erode at your self-confidence.

- Hurtful comments or putting hands on you. Any type of unwanted

touch.

  • Avoidance: when your partner has a hard time staying in conversations with you about topics that are important to the relationship.

- We try to stay away from forcing someone to talk about something

they cant or don't feel comfortable with but your should be open to

talking about the relationship and communicating about what they

need in order to feel comfortable.



Watch the full YouTube video for an in-detail explanation of each of these Relationship Red Flags below and head over to Instagram for you #therapyexplainedcheatsheet :



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